I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
