I'm really into asian looking animals
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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