Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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