I hate your face
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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