you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
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only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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