there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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