I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize