will power is for people who don't want to get laid
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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