Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's always time for handjobs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
