We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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