It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
