You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
