summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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