"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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