I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
