If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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