I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
