you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
