I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
