Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
