We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
