My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
