JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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