What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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