Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize