Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
