i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
