we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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