Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
