I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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