you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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