I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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