your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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