Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
