I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
