so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
