that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
