If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
