I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
