the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
