The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
