i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
