You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
