I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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