I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
