...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize