this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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