shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
false alarm, still single
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
