Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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