I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
