smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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