Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
