Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
