Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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