dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
