i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
