I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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