I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
