I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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