Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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