Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
